How to Conquer Hard Feelings

So was your boss critical of you today?  Your spouse uninterested?  A kid unappreciative?

There are so many ways that the seed of a hard feeling is planted.  I am a master gardener of cultivating a negative seed.  I can play it out over and over in my mind, come up with a million alternate scenarios that I guess I think might happen if we enter an alternate universe.  I can plot elaborate revenge schemes that would never see the light of day.  Yes, scary.  My husband on the other hand, other than thinking girls can be crazy, has a way of simply letting things go.  He can shrug his shoulders, go out and mow the grass and forget it ever happened.  Yes, I admire him and wanted to cultivate this in my own garden.  How?  A question I’ve asked for quite some time and I think I may have found some solutions.

  1.  Consider the source of the slight.  Are you mad over an internet comment from someone who won’t even use their real name?  Are you seriously going to be upset at PuffKitty74? No.  If it’s a slight from a family member it might  sting more but I often have to consider that we are not all the same. My husband the sage always says that although “I” would never do that other people have different sensibilities and internal rules.  Make allowances for that.
  2. Articulate your feelings in a journal.  Be careful not to let your journal become a book a negativity but write down your feelings and then make a bulleted list of solutions.  Think of it as a solution journal.
  3. Go run.  If need be, pick up a rock.  When I’m really mad, I pick up a rock at the beginning of my run.  I run hard and give myself permission to be mad.  I can turn the rock over in my hand as thought it were the literal problem.  When I reach the turn around point,  I drop the rock.  I also tell myself I’m dropping the hard feelings too.  I turn around and head home leaving those thoughts behind me.  I dare you to run hard and think about troubles.  It can’t be done.
  4. Harkening back to #1, as my husband says, “You would never do that, but they are not you.”  He’s right.  Sometimes you have to accept that you are better, the bigger person and the one who will suck it up.  It’s okay to feel superior sometimes.  Pull your positive energy and stay high on your mountain.  Live your life with that knowledge.

 

 

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